Not Every Woman Has the Same Body...And That's Okay

NOT EVERY WOMAN HAS THE SAME BODY...AND THAT’S OKAY ❤️

The other day, my husband dropped some serious knowledge about my body that totally changed my perspective on things. But more on that later. First let me tell you what happened. 

I just bought a gorgeous red dress. I bought it after seeing one of my friends post pictures of herself wearing it on Facebook. She looked so beautiful in it. 

I ordered it online and was so excited for it to be delivered. I’d already imagined myself in it and I couldn’t wait to wear it on a date with my husband. 

The dress arrived, and to my disappointment, it was too big. So I ordered it again in the next smallest size.

While I waited for the dress to arrive, I again imagined myself in it. In fact, while I was waiting for it to arrive, another one of my FB friends posted pictures of herself in this dress too. She also looked gorgeous in it. I couldn’t wait for mine to arrive.

So the dress got here and I tried it on...and...it was too small. It fit everywhere except for across the top where it was just a little bit too tight. 

So the first dress was too big, and the next size was too small. 

I was devastated!

Now back to my husband…

I was telling him about how upset I was that the dress didn’t fit my body like it fit my friends’ bodies. I even pulled up my friends’ pictures on Facebook to show him to further drive home my point. I told him, “See! Look at how good they look in this dress. They look so beautiful. Why can’t the dress look that good on me?”

As I was feeling sorry for myself, my husband looked at me and said, “Trina, they have a different body type than you. Not every dress looks the same on every body type. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just go buy a dress that’s made for your body type.”

He said it just like that. No drama. No judgement. He just spoke facts. 

And he totally made me feel better.❤️ 

The thing is, he’s so right. We don’t all have the same body type, and that’s ok. Every dress doesn’t look the same on all of us, and that’s ok too.

Why do we beat ourselves up when something fits a model or our friends differently than it fits us? 

It’s because that’s what we’ve been conditioned by society and the media to do. Before my husband corrected my thinking, I was being drawn into that internal spiral of feeling like my body wasn’t good enough.

But thankfully, my husband snapped me out of it and brought me back to reality. 

The truth is, MY BODY DOESN’T NEED TO CHANGE TO FIT INTO CLOTHES I LIKE. Instead, I CAN CHOOSE TO SPEND MONEY ON CLOTHES THAT FIT MY BODY...EXACTLY AS IT IS NOW. 

It’s that simple. I still think the red dress I bought is a gorgeous dress. And one day, my body may change such that it fits me beautifully. But today isn’t that day and that’s ok.

So I’m returning both dresses, and I’m buying another dress that fits and flatters my body...exactly as my body is right now. 

Thanks, husband, for the reality check!

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Joyful Movement: what it is & how it differs from traditional exercise

 HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF JOYFUL MOVEMENT?

I admit, the first time I heard that terminology I rolled my eyes. I felt like it was a term they were using to try to trick me into exercising.

If I’m being honest, throughout most of my relationship with exercise over the years, I haven’t particularly enjoyed it.

I always thought of exercise as something I had to do to burn off the calories from what I just ate. Or something I had to do preemptively in advance of going out to eat.

Even when I tried to focus on the health benefits of exercise, it still felt like another rule of something I had to do to be good.

If you feel the same way about exercise, I get it. I completely understand where you’re coming from.

Then, I heard about joyful movement.

Joyful movement is a way to approach exercise where you focus on pleasure. If something isn’t pleasurable, you don’t focus on that.

Thinking about exercise as a way to atone for the calories you have just eaten is not pleasurable.

Thinking about exercise as a way to give yourself permission to eat later today is also not pleasurable.

Thinking about exercise as something you have to do just to check a box isn’t pleasurable either.

Now I get it, we can’t only do things in life that are pleasurable.

But if there’s a way to make something more fun, why not?

That’s what thinking about exercise more as “joyful movement” has done for me.

Let me give you an example. This morning I woke up and I was debating whether I wanted to stay in bed or get up and go for a walk.

As I was trying to make my decision, my thoughts had nothing to do with my weight or the calories I would burn by walking.

I simply thought about the pleasure walking would bring me.

I thought about how I love to smell the fresh air in the morning. I love hearing the birds and seeing rabbits in my neighbors’ yards.

I thought about how I love having that time to myself without any other distractions. I thought about the music I love to listen to when I’m walking or the podcasts I love to catch up on.

All of those things bring me joy. So when I focused on the joy that walking brings me, it became a no brainer.

I got out of bed, got dressed, and went for a walk.

Now, I’ve had people tell me that walking is a waste of my time and that instead I need to do something that burns more calories like orange theory.

Here’s the thing, though. I used to do orange theory and I think it’s an amazing program. I totally get why people love it. But it brought me absolutely no joy. It did bring me a couple of injuries, but it did not bring me joy.

That’s what joyful movement is about. Rejecting other peoples’ ideas of the type of exercise you “should” be doing, and listening to yourself and figuring out what type of exercise brings you joy.

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Me from 2013 vs. 2021

 2013 vs 2021

The picture on the left is a pic of me from 2013 three days before I went on my first date with my husband.

The picture on the right is a pic of me from a few days ago.

Obviously, there’s a difference between how I look in the two pictures.

First, there’s the obvious difference, and the one that we focus on first. The weight.

How many times do we see someone we know who has gained weight and think, “They’ve really let themselves go”.

You may even be thinking that about me now.

And the truth is, I have let myself go.

In 2013…

I’d barely eaten fruit in 3 years because I was worried about how many grams of sugar it contained.

I weighed myself every morning, and decided if I was successful or not based on what the scale said.

I was hungry all the time, because I barely ate more than 1000 calories a day.

I obsessed about food constantly, because when you place almost every food on the forbidden list, food becomes all you can think about.

I exercised a lot, even when I didn’t want to.

And I truly believed my ability to find and be loved by a man was based on my dress size.

So yes, if you think I’ve let myself go, you’re absolutely right.

In 2021…

I eat fruit almost every day, because I LOVE FRUIT!

I rarely weigh myself anymore, because I don’t need the stress.

I eat when I’m hungry (and stop when I’m full).

I no longer use control (or lack thereof) over food as my main way of dealing with life and my emotions.

I no longer think about food all day, and my brain is free to think about things I really love.

I eat out with my family, AND I eat the same food they eat…not just salads with no dressing.

I only exercise when I want to, and I don’t think of it as a way to burn off the calories from what I ate.

I know I’m worthy of being loved and accepted, just because I exist.

I’ve had to let go of a lot of things. And in the process, I’ve gained so much more.

If this post resonates with you, I want you to know that this is possible for you, too.

I can help you.

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Why Do We Keep Clothes That Don't Fit Anymore?

 WHY DO WE HANG ON TO CLOTHES THAT ARE TOO SMALL FOR US?

I have a pair of Christian Louboutin heels.

I bought them years ago as one of my first purchases after getting a real job.

So as you can imagine, I have a lot of sentimentality attached to them.

But here’s the thing, they’ve always hurt my feet.

In fact, when I told the salesperson that they hurt my feet, he informed me that “Christian Louboutin shoes are not supposed to be comfortable…they’re supposed to be fabulous”.

So there I was unsuccessfully attempting to wear heels that hurt.

Well, after having kids my feet grew and they don’t fit anymore at all.

They’ve been sitting in a box in the back of my closet for years.

CLOTHES THAT NO LONGER FIT SERVE NO PURPOSE.

In reality, they bring no joy. Yes, they used to bring me joy, but they don’t anymore.

What am I truly getting out of a pair of shoes that is sitting in a box in a closet?

But the crazy thing is it has been so hard for me to sell them or give them away because there’s so much meaning that I’ve attached to them.

I bought them during a time in my life when I was in a smaller body, so when I think about those shoes, I can’t help but think about my old body.

I have pictures of myself in my old body wearing those shoes, and they are not memories that are easy to let go of.

However, no matter how much I fight it, the reality is…those shoes are never going to fit my feet again.

I’ve been holding onto them for years thinking if I could just find the perfect magical diet, I’d lose a ton of weight and be able to wear my Louboutin’s again.

I’m sure you can imagine how that has gone.

The truth is, I don’t need to lose weight to be able to wear Christian Louboutin shoes if I want. I could just go buy bigger shoes…right now.

But I’m not going to because they hurt my feet and I’m too old to wear shoes that hurt.

I also no longer want to keep clothes in my closet that don’t fit.

I no longer want to keep sacrificing my soul and happiness for diets and diet culture.

So I’ve given the shoes to my sister.

I hope she loves them. They have a special place in my heart, and I know they will serve her so much more than they have been serving me sitting in a dust bag in my closet.

At least they will finally be getting some use.

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My Lifetime of Dieting Exposed

HERE’S A LIST OF ALL THE DIETS I’VE BEEN ON IN MY LIFE:

DASH diet

Cabbage Soup Diet

Slim Fast

South Beach Diet

Atkins Diet

My Fit Foods jump start plan

Snap Kitchen jump start plan

Lean Cuisine

Healthy Choice

Weight Watchers

Keto

Whole 30 (I know, they say it’s not supposed to be used as a diet)

21 Day Fix

Personal Trainer Food

Bright Line Eating

Carb Cycling

And probably some others that I’ve forgotten about.

I’ve tried losing weight on my own. I’ve joined online weight loss communities. I’ve joined in-person groups. I’ve joined virtual groups. I’ve downloaded weight loss apps. I’ve bought a lot of weight loss books. I hired a dietician. I’ve hired personal trainers. I’ve hired accountability coaches. I’ve hired weight loss coaches.

NONE OF IT WORKED.

You may be thinking, “What’s wrong with Trina?” or “If she failed at that many diets, obviously the problem is with her.”

Here’s the truth…the diet industry is the only industry that sells us products that don’t work long-term, yet when they fail, we blame ourselves instead of the diet.

That would be like me as a doctor telling a patient if they take the blood pressure medicine I’m recommending, it will lower their blood pressure for a few months. But after those few months pass, the medication will stop working, and their blood pressure will rebound and shoot up and possibly cause them to have a stroke.

How many of you want to take that medicine?

Yet, that’s exactly what we do to ourselves over and over again when we keep going on diets.

TRADITIONAL DIETS DO NOT WORK! Trust me, I’ve tried enough to know.

So what’s the answer then?

After a lifetime of dieting I have finally found the thing that works…Intuitive eating.

Intuitive eating is not a diet. There are no strict rules about what you can and cannot eat.

Intuitive eating is about following your intuition and listening to your body and following your natural hunger and fullness cues.

Intuitive eating encourages you to reject the diet mentality, because diets don’t work…at least not in the long run.

Of course they all work initially, because you’re limiting what you’re eating. But think about it…how long did your weight loss success actually last? How long before you gained the weight back and were searching for your next diet?

When you think about it, diets do work at one thing, which is making us feel like failure.

And diets work really well for those companies selling the diets, as they get richer while you continue the endless cycle of yo-yo dieting.

I am on a mission to help as many women as I can learn what I have learned. I have never felt as much freedom or happiness as I have felt this year since rejecting traditional diet culture, diet rules, and learning how to eat intuitively.

If this is something you want to learn, too, I can help you.

Don’t spend another day feeling guilty about the food you’re eating, feeling like you can’t eat what you want to eat, criticizing your body, and feeling bad about your weight.

Let me help you learn a different way.

I’m a physician and I’m also a self-love and body acceptance coach, which is an incredibly powerful combination.

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I Wore the Dress!!!

I WORE THE DRESS!!!

A few weeks ago I went shopping. While at the store, I wanted to buy a certain dress, but it was sleeveless and I was feeling self-conscious about my arms.

In the end I bought the dress, I brought it home, and I wore the dress anyway.

Even though I still had some hesitation about wearing it in public, I decided to let my healthy voice win.

You see, we all have an “unhealthy voice” in our heads and a “healthy voice”.

Our unhealthy voice is the voice that tells us “you look fat in that outfit” or “you need to lose weight” or “are you sure you want to eat that? Look at the calorie count”.

Our healthy voice says “these are my arms and there’s nothing wrong with them” or “this dress is beautiful and I’m going to wear it anyway”.

This time, I chose to listen to my healthy voice, and I’m so glad I did.

The process of learning to accept your body isn’t always easy, but it is possible.

Just like me, I’m sure you have a dress or outfit sitting in your closet that you haven’t worn because you don’t feel attractive enough in it.

I just want to encourage you to reject your unhealthy voice and wear it anyway.

When I wore my dress, I felt beautiful. I’m so happy I decided to accept myself for how I look and put on the dress.

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You Don't Have to Eat the Entire Bag of Candy

JUST BECAUSE THE BAG OF CANDY IS SITTING THERE DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO EAT THE WHOLE THING.

I had an awesome experience today. I wanted some candy. If you've been following my posts, you know that I no longer follow diet culture rules, and instead follow the principles of intuitive eating.

In other words, IF I WANT SOME CANDY, I ALLOW MYSELF TO HAVE SOME CANDY!

Let me tell you how amazing it feels to give myself permission to eat candy whenever I want it.

The reason I'm able to do this is because I'm no longer eating candy to dull my emotions. Instead, I only eat candy now if I truly want it.

LET ME EXPLAIN MORE...

How many times have you eaten sweets, but when you really stop to think about it, you were only eating it to make you feel better about something else going on in your life?

It's not your fault. That's how our culture teaches us to respond.

You have a bad day at work? Eat some M&M's.

Get in a fight with your spouse? Eat a Snickers bar.

Your kids stressing you out? Eat some skittles...then eat some ice cream too while we're at it.

That's how so many of us react to stress, and it's how I used to react to stress too.

I used to eat to make the pain go away. Anyone identify with this?

But I don't do that anymore because I've learned a better way (and I can teach you a better way too).

Now if I'm stressed or upset, I deal with it through ways that don't involve eating.

That means I only eat candy when I actually want candy...not because I'm trying to run away from something else in my life.

Learning how to do this has been so transformative.

Today, when I bought myself candy, I really thought about it after every bite. I checked in with myself. I asked myself if I felt satisfied or if I wanted more.

Once I'd had enough, I stopped. Well, to be completely honest, I probably ate one more handful past feeling satisfied, but the point is, THERE WAS STILL CANDY LEFT IN THE BAG WHEN I GOT DONE!

I did not feel like I had to eat it all just because it was there!

How many times have you bought a bag of candy, or cookies, or chips, and before you know it, you've eaten it all?

And not just that, but you can't even really remember what it tasted like.

You were distracted while you ate it. And since you were eating it in reaction to something (anxiety, pain, fear, stress), your only thought was to eat it as fast as possible so you could feel better.

How many times have you wished you knew another way to cope?

The good news is, I've learned another way to deal with life without eating to avoid feeling my feelings.

So now, when I do choose to eat sweets, I can stop when I've had enough because I'm eating strictly for the enjoyment of the food...and nothing more.

Do you want this for your life too?

If so, I can help you.

MY COACHING PROGRAMS ARE FOR:

Women who identify as emotional eaters.

Women who are tired of dieting all the time.

Women who are tired of hating themselves and their bodies.

Women who want to learn how to love ALL of themselves.

Women who no longer want to use food to escape from the stress of life.

Women who want to learn how to listen to their body by eating when they're hungry and stopping when they're full.

WITH MY UNIQUE METHOD, YOU WILL LEARN:

How to ditch the diet mentality

How to overcome emotional eating

How to love yourself now

How to stop worrying all the time about calories, points, and macros

How to eat according to your body's natural hunger and fullness cues.

I can't change the fact that negative emotions will come. What I can teach you to change is your response to those negative emotions.

You do not have to use food to cope with the stress of your life anymore.

You can learn how to eat the candy just because you want some, then leave the rest of it in the bag when you've had enough.

P.S. - If you're a woman who wants to learn more about self-love and body acceptance, sign up for my newsletter. It's filled with so much good info. I can't wait to share it with you! Sign up here